


Starting Over

by TeddyBearDoctors



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:27:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14394276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeddyBearDoctors/pseuds/TeddyBearDoctors
Summary: Just a short little fix it i wrote for my sister because we all know that Barba was gonna say 'i love you' and its bullshit that he didn't





	Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Spobylove9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spobylove9/gifts).



> ive never written this fandom before i only did for my sister sorry

The case hangs heavy in the air between them, as stiff and cold as the snow on the ground. He’s a free man but it doesn’t feel like it, he feels like the justice system is suffocating him, the court house looming, the life he took haunting, an endless string of cases and victims and it’s all crashing into him at once and he knows what has to be done, he always has.So he quit and maybe he’ll regret it later but rn, he feels like starting over it exactly what he needs, no matter how bad it hurts. Rafael and Olivia stand outside the courthouse, the entire world holding its breath around them, waiting, unsure, cold. He smiles sadly at her, his heart heavy and so many words getting thick in his mouth, pushing to get out and he starts to speak, knowing Olivia will listen.

“You know, when we first started working together,” he starts and pauses, “what was it, five years ago?”

“Six,” Olivia corrects, always helpful, always looking at him like she knows what’s going on in his head. 

He breathes heavily, looking out at the white snow and the cars and the people who have such easy lives, easy choices and then glances at Olivia.

“The world was an old movie, it was all black and white,” He speaks carefully, each word chosen just for her, plucked from deep in his heart, special and meaningful and, oh so painful. “And it was high noon, I was Gary Cooper.” Olivia gives him a sad little smile, still somehow graceful and beautiful and it aches. He chuckles but they both know it’s not from joy. “I was absolutely sure who were the good guys, who were the bad guys, and then you-” His throat feels tight, tears just around the corner and he tries to hold them at bay, so much left to say. “You started to weasel your way into my world, and the black and white became different shades of gray.” He looks over at her and it hurts, his entire being aches to change this.

“Don’t say it.” He adds, seeing that look on her face, the look he knows so well, he sees it all the time before she adds her thoughts, spills her brilliant words all over someone who needs to hear them. 

“Before I knew it there were blues, and greens, and yellows and reds,” he pauses between colors, looking at her with so much emotion he knows she can see everything he’s feeling right there, plain as day on his face and spilling wet from his eyes. 

“I’m you know, Liv. You opened my heart, and I thank you for it.” He’s facing her completely now, somehow they gravitated closer, unable to break eye contact.

“And?” She asks it with a watery crack in her voice and his heart squeezes his chest. He thought starting over was what he wanted, that saying goodbye was for the best, but maybe that can’t apply to everything-everyone-in his life.

“I-” He struggles to say it, the words he’s been longing to say for so long, stuck in his throat-no, his chest. He wants to shout them, he wants to say them more than anything, more then he wanted to practice law. But he doesn’t, he can’t, he just needs to be pushed a little bit. For someone who speaks so eloquently in a courtroom, who uses his words alone to sway people’s opinions and stories and minds, he’s truly awful with words when it comes to matters of the heart-matters of Olivia. 

“Rafael?” The way she says his name, careful, like she could never tire of saying it. He could never tire of her. And that’s his push, the realization that he really could spend forever listening to her talk, looking at her, waking up beside her and making her and Noah breakfast and...the words don’t feel so stuck anymore, like something got dislodged. 

“I love you,” The words fall out, messy and true and his entire body feels warm and frozen at the same time but nothing is better then how Olivia blinks, blank face, before she lights up completely and entirely just for him. She ducks her head, hair falling to hide her face from him but he can still see her smiling and he’s smiling too, nose cold and heart aching but so so happy he said it. 

“I love you too,” The words aren’t messy from her, no, even when she’s sobbing and yelling and crumbling, Olivia could say the most careful words to tear you down or build you up. She is so strong, so brave, the most amazing woman he has ever laid eyes on and he can’t look away. 

When she finally looks up she’s cracked open, eyes vulnerable, baring everything to him and him alone. The world will never have Olivia the way he has, they will never see the entire universe in her eyes, hear the gods in her voice and see stars in her walk, they will never feel her heart beating with theirs like the whole world is pounding just below their skin. No, they will never love Olivia the way he does. 

The world feels crisp, open and free and clear, like it’s wiped clean and he reaches out for her, pulling her into his chest. She goes willingly, wrapped around each other in the cold, brand new world and suddenly all those big, scary, choices don’t seem so bad and his career ending is just a roadblock and not an ending, and all those cases and cold feelings just fall away, it’s just him and Olivia exactly where they should be-together. 


End file.
